Alabama Gov. Lurleen Wallace shows how to bag a turkey...

It’s hard to believe but this is the fourth year we are dredging up the worst cinema has to offer for you, the reader. Keep in mind the list is never limited to films released over the past year – ANY film can be a turkey and we haven’t run short yet. This year we have 9 losers to turkey trot out, and some all star cast members. Katherine Heigl gets two films from each end of her craptastic career and Matthew McConaughey brings the bad to two films as well. Without further ado – here they are! (after the jump, chump)

Twin Sitters

Just because you are a wrestler doesn’t mean that you are destined for crap films – Jesse Ventura was in a number of fine action flicks, Rowdy Roddy Piper has They Live on his resume and Hulk Hogan… well let’s move on. The Barbarian Brothers are twin wrestlers who are delightfully bereft of any acting talent whatsoever. After witnessing this abomination on cable I was stunned to find that they made several other films (including future Turkey entry D.C. Cab, which introduced the world to the directing talents of Joel Schumacher) and have branched out into other arts such as music and poetry.  Twin Sitters find the twins as, you guessed it, sitters for a set of ill-behaved twin boys. For no good reason at all one of the Barbarian Brothers (Peter? Paul?) seems to share a wardrobe with Pamela Anderson circa 1990, including a fondness for off-the-shoulder bare midriff sweatshirts. Classy!

Tiptoes

Let’s just cut to the chase and reveal (spoiler alert!) that Gary Oldman plays a little person who resembles a half-sized Jeff Foxworthy in both appearance and accent. This is no Forrest Gump Lt. Dan style trickery eaither – think knees on shoes, hole cut out of couch, for all I know pit dug in ground. Actual little person Peter Dinklage rises to the challenge of lousy transformative acting not by playing a person of normal height but by playing a Marxist, heavily French-accented (think Inspector Clouseau) angry rebel little person. Matthew McCono-abs plays the only normally heighted (!) person in his family, a man who is afraid to tell Kate Beckinsale that she may be carrying his dwarf child. I assumed the trailer was a FunnyorDie.com fake. It’s not.

Top Dog

If Tom Hank’s Turner and Hooch is the Citizen Kane of buddy cop/dog flicks, and Jim Belushi’s K-9 is the K-19: The Widowmaker of said genre, this here is the, oh what the hell, Tiptoes of the entire sub-category. Chuck Norris is easily out-acted by a cutesy pooch that seems to have been crossbred with a ham.

Failure to Launch

What is it about Matthew MacConoughtoKnowBetter that immediately signals “crap film.” He’s not an awful actor, he just seems to choose scripts while hammered on Four Loko and skunk weed and banging on his bongos like a chimpanzee.  For shame, Kathy Bates! As for Sarah Jessica Parker, turn those Manolos around and march directly into your agents office with a can of gasoline and set it on fire. Not that you are good in anything that doesn’t have “…and the City” in the title. OK, maybe Square Pegs. This film actually got me thinking about how screwball comedy fans like myself bear some of teh blame for ludicrous garbage like this. On paper it sounds like the ingredients for a decent farce – man would prefer to live at home with parents in his thirties so they hire woman to lure him from the nest. But Preston Sturges is long dead and the “creative team” behind this stinker wouldn’t be fit to wash his car.

The Ugly Truth

Speaking of crap romantic “comedies”… Katherine Heigl seems attractive but as a person and an actress is somewhere below gum on the sidewalk. After slamming Judd Apotow for the single good movie she has been and probably ever will be in, on the grounds of  being stereotypical and sexist:

“It paints the women as shrews, as humorless and uptight, and it paints the men as lovable, goofy, fun-loving guys. It exaggerated the characters, and I had a hard time with it, on some days. I’m playing such a bitch; why is she being such a killjoy? Why is this how you’re portraying women? Ninety-eight percent of the time it was an amazing experience, but it was hard for me to love the movie.”

…she stars in this backwards facing mess about a neanderthal asshole and the prissy goody two-shoes shrew who turn out to be made for each other. Oh, touche Katherine! Thanks for showing us how it’s done! This film is grim on every level, with a performance by Gerard Butler that should be a rebuke to any casting agent dumb enough to cast him in a part that requires extensive dialogue.

Collision Course

Fear not Conan O’Brien, Jay Leno has already suffered a fate worse than death by starring in this buddy cop cliche-athon with a very, very sorry Pat Morita. Leno, pre-Tonight Show, plays the American cop looking for revenge and paired up with inscrutable Japanese cop Morita. Poor Jay does his best Nick Nolte good ol’ racist routine from 48 Hours but acting is simply not in the lantern-jawed show blockers DNA. And Morita, who can act, just sits there and takes it. Nearly as bad for US – Japan relations as World War II.

Theodore Rex

How bad is this movie? So bad that Whoopi Goldberg actually sued to try to get out of her contract. Unluckily for her, she lost the case and was forced to do this piece of dreck at camerapoint, as it were. There isn’t a really good way to delve into the plot of this stinkpile so I’ll quote another blogger here from HeadInjuryTheatee:

“…I don’t really think that I’ve properly conveyed how much this film can hurt you. Whoopi Goldberg in a skintight latex body stocking, a big rubber dinosaur that farts a lot, a half-hour scene involving dinosaurs waltzing, exploding butterflies, Whoopi the cyborg….all these things combine to create this unholy abomination of a film…”

This is yet another buddy cop film, only this one is set in the future. And in the future what else would you expect to be partnered with but a dog. No, scratch that, a dinosaur. Named Theodore. Makes that whole Ted Danson thing seem like a great idea, doesn’t it?

Hardbodies

When I was 13 this film was a revelation, an unfolding of a whole southern California beach and boobs based culture that to an urban (ie New York Jewboy) kid was like a strange alternate universe. It’s also a truly terrible filmed, like spliced together outtakes of a fever dream being shared by both Mr. Furley and Larry from Three’s Company. Three old guys (ie early 40s which now is NOT OLD to me) hook up with a couple of youngsters to learn about the modern art of banging broads at the beach. Everybody learns a lesson, most of all the audience which accounts for the non stardom of all involved. One of teh rare instances of the trailer being as inversely good (and honest) as the film is bad.

My Father The Hero

Enlightened feminist Heigl stars in this leer-fest which should come equipped with Chris Hanson in every DVD. At 14 it’s not fair to blame her for a film which objectives every inch of her nubile body, including a lingering thong bathing suit sequence and then punishes the viewer with Gerard Depardieu’s potbelly and painfully tortured English. Unless you are Pedobear this film is a serious Depar-don’t. The plot involves young Katherine trying to score guys by claiming her bulbous-nosed French bumblebutt of a father is actually her older lover. Hilarious!

mmm-MMMM

Every year at this time, we here at Mallination try to bring you a new list of Thanksgiving Turkeys – films so bad they can only be compared to a dumb, flightless, tasty, “jive” bird.  As an added bonus I’ve invited guest blogger Sean McDonald to contribute his own list of 5 to my list of 5 , forming a combined “super-list” of 10. Please note, Sean’s opinions are entirely his own. In other words I liked Munich despite the egregious use of intercutting during the penultimate love scene.  Enjoy the bad cinema, and happy Thanksgiving!

Noah’s List:

Two Much

My wife actually saved this for me on our DVR knowing that it would be a turkey shoo-in and she was right as always. Three of the most expressive actors of a generation, Antonio Banderas, Melanie Griffith, and Daryl Hannah, team up to star in a film that starts with the premise that Banderas is going to pull off a con by pretending to be twins. The twins are thoughtfully names Art and Bart and can be distinguished by whether Banderas is wearing his hair down and has his glasses on or a ponytail and no glasses. Naturally Art is an artist (or should I say “artist”) and Bart, well, surprisingly doesn’t work for Bay Area Rapid Transit given the literal-mindedness of the rest of this would-be screwball comedy. The lowlight is  a scene in which both Bart and Art have to be in the same room at the same time. Employing a handy doorway, some pacing and a quick hand at whipping off glasses and pulling hair back Banderas plays both characters at once. It’s indeed, Two Much.

The Power

George Hamilton plays a scientist (!) in the boringest movie ever about telekinesis.  As the members of the Human Endurance Committee (of which the film’s audience should be inducted into as honorary members) gather to puzzle over vague “test” results that suggest one of them has extraordinary powers, strange murders begin popping up. While half the cast overacts their pants off, the other half attempts to compensate by woefully underacting. Even stranger are the inept attempts at Hitchcockian set pieces like an inadvertently hilarious desert sequence that finds be-suited and tanned Hamilton struggling woodenly with a large, sweaty, Jeep driver before being attacked by jets on a bombing range. While these may sound like exciting activities you may find yourself wishing for the mind control to zap director Byron Zaskin into another dimension.

Octaman

Pity beautiful Pier Angeli, the Italian actress who compounded her drug overdose at the age of 39 with the fact that this piece of cinematic effluvia stands as her last film. Monster creation legend Rick Baker also got his start in this low-budget atrocity and judging by the incredibly lame Octaman costume a career in Hollywood was less-than assured. While still not as disturbing as the real-life Octomom, Octaman concerns Mexicans (fake), scientists (woefully fake), and a mutated half-man, half-octopus creature(ridiculously fake). For some reason two of the full-grown Octaman’s tentacles are suspiciously arm-like, and his slacks are quite something. It’s also worth noting that he has compound eyes for no other reason than that was the trick lens that they rented for the shoot.

88 Minutes

The titular 88 Minutes of this crap fest reference not just the 88 Minutes Al Pacino is informed he has left to live, but the 88 minutes of the viewers life that will sadly never be returned to them by this film that would barely rate as a subpar episode of Jake and The Fatman (look it up, kids). Pacino plays your everyday, average, super wealthy forensic psychologist/teacher who keeps having his dull serial killer seminar interrupted by a rude cell phone caller. And then he goes back to teacher. Thrilling! Leelee Sobieski does what she can to make things worse and Alicia Witt should be angling to get that cell phone away from Pacino so she can call her agent.  The best thing about the film are the heights to which it has inspired reviewers – “Al Pacino’s festival of hair” from the Chicago Tribune’s Michael Phillips is a particular favorite. Nominated for “Best Goatee”.

The Doors

Kyle Maclachlan, Meg Ryan, Kevin Dillon, and Val Kilmer combine all the worst parts of the acting styles in a film that also highlights the worst kind of glib, truthy-but-not-truthful, self-serious film making Oliver Stone is capable of.  The dialogue is actually worse than Morrison’s poetry. Kilmer gives a performance that captures all the self involved assholiness of Morrison without ever diving underneath. Ryan is woefully miscast as the love interest. Stone treats every scene with the kind of reverence usually reserved for a nativity pageant.

Sean’s List

I have a soft spot for bad movies. The kinds of movies that gleefully accept they are bad, that wink and smile through 95 minutes of glorious silliness. I think that Stephen Sommers’  Deep Rising is the Citizen Kane of great bad movies. There is another set of movies that are so easy to target (I am looking at you Paul W.S. Anderson) that wasting any more time one them is pointless. Then there is the third category of bad: Films that made me ANGRY as I watched them.

The Quest

Jean-Claude Van Damme’s directorial debut, my least favorite movie of all time and according to IMDB, Roger Moore‘s least favorite of his own films. The primary problem is that this movie claims to be 95 minutes long. Let’s just say that 95 minutes has been artificially augmented. Every fight scene is soaked in unnecessary slow motion, “Scorsese stretches”, use of the same shot from multiple angles (don’t want to waste anything) and of course JCVD getting the crap kicked out of him, only to come back strong and win the fight. The clip barely does justice to what may be to worst edited film of all time. (Side Note – Did you know that James Remar has 111 acting credits? And his most memorable role was as Samantha’s boyfriend from TV’s Sex and the City?)

How The Grinch Stole Christmas

This was the cinematic equivalent to the scene in Mad Men (Season 2 spoiler alert!) when Joan’s fiancé forced himself on her on the floor of Don Draper’s office. Despite her pleas to stop and attempts to restrain him, he keeps on going and she quits resisting. I stared away at he wall blankly for the first 30 minutes of this, eventually willing myself to sleep. F you Ron Howard. (Side note – did you know the little girl now plays one of the leads in Gossip Girl? No, I didn’t care either).

Strange Wilderness

Truly one of the un-funniest “comedies” I have ever sat through (it was a rental, but still). What is truly amazing is that this clip STILL makes me laugh every time  -

- but it is the ONLY funny moment in this entire misbegotten disaster. There is no story, are no funny characters and no other funny moments. I have already put more thought into this paragraph than the filmmakers did on this entire 87 minute piece of horseshit (Side Note – Did you know that horseshit is Tom Hanks favorite swear word?)

The Last Kiss

What I find the most shocking about his most is that the great Paul Haggis wrote this. This movie basically took Chris Rock’s “New P***y, Old P****y” monologue, layered on a thick measure of anxiety and slapped you in the face with this sock full of man-angst for 103 minutes. I am not sure what kind of influence Zach Braff had on this movie, but any good will he built up with Garden State got flushed away. (Side Note – Paul Haggis’s first writing credit is from the original Love Boat TV series).

Munich

Look, I love Jewish Revenge Fantasies as much as the next guy (Marathon Man and Inglorious Basterds were great), but Munich ranks at the top of my list of movies that sent me over the edge. This is a thriller that is not thrilling. A “history” movie that feels very revisionist. A lead that was the least convincing Jew of all time. The worst sex scene of all time, replacing the pool scene from Showgirls . This movie starts strong, but by the end, you feel much like the leads. Empty and unsatisfied. (Side Note – Munich star Mathieu Kassovitz is a terrific French director who made the criminally underrated Crimson Rivers).

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Welcome to our annual Thanksgiving turkey strangle – ten films that give bad a new name.Here are last year’s Turkeys part one and part two. Every year we pick some of cinemas low flyers for special shame and ridicule. To the list!

1) The Wicker Man(remake)

The remake of a well regarded film is not an uncommon species of turkey, in fact this list sports several. However It must be said that the dropoff from the creepy Edward “The Equalizer” Woodward starring original to this Neil LaBute helmed crapfest is mighty steep. Aside from the nonsensical plot the main attraction for J.G. Ballard-esque car wreck fans is Nicholas Cage’s performance, a masterclass in frantic, pointless scenery chewing that reads like a bad Nic Cage impersonator “doing” Nic Cage. LaBute naturally focuses his attention on the evil women who run the mysterious island where cop Cage has gone to look for his ex-paramour’s missing child. Never has gynophobia seemed so downright silly.You’ll root for the murderers.

2) Under the Rainbow

It’s hard to know what anyone involved in this awful film were thinking. Set in 1938 it involves 150 midgets in town to film the Wizard of Oz, Chevy Chase as a secret service agent, Carrie Fisher as the midget’s chaperon and a lot of convoluted plotting involving Nazis and fake European countries. Like A Fish Called Wanda, the cardinal Hollywood rule of avoiding dog deaths is overlooked. Unlike Wanda, it’s simply not funny here.

3) The Jerk, Too

Some of you might remember ABC’s short-lived Saturday Night Live knockoff Fridays, which in the early 80s introduced a small audience to Michael Richards and Larry David. One of the breakout stars was Mark Blankfield, whose over-the-top pharmacist character propelled him to this ill-considered remake of Steve Martin’s 1979 classic The Jerk, barely 5 years after the original.

4) Employee of the Month

My wife and I valiantly attempted to watch this excrescence on cable, just to see at what point one of us would cry chicken and call the whole thing off. What we didn’t bargain for is becoming literally mind-boggled by a seemingly interminable scene talking place high up in the stacks of the giant warehouse store where Dane Cook and his co-workers, well, work. The plot involves some meaningless bullcrap about Jessica Simpson and Cook – two “actors” notably devoid of charm here, and some desire by Cook to date Simpson who only dates employees of the month so Cook has to…snnnnnOOORRK!When my wife and I came to, we felt like Betty and Barney Hill – the couple who knew they were kidnapped by aliens because they had experienced chunks of missing time from their lives.

5) Stepford Wives (remake)

The original Stepford Wives was no great film, just a campy sub-Rosemary’s Baby vamp on The Feminine Mystique. Frank Oz’s ill-considered re-make is a mess, overstuffed, over-budgeted and over-plotted. Bad remake queen Nicole Kidman (of future turkey entries Invasion and Bewitched) does her accent from To Die For and generally fails to look like the kind of woman a man would want to upgrade with a robot/lobotomy or whatever it is they are supposed to be. Bette Midler does her loud earthy shtick and Christopher Walken does his creepy weird-line-delivery shtick. Oh yeah, and Matthew Broderick throws down his super nebbish routine. Did I mention that the movie doesn’t even know if the housewives are being lobotomized, or turned into robots, or what? The one surefire lobotomy victim is the viewer after watching this dreck.

6) The Nude Bomb

Before Steve Carrell was tapped to do a remake of the classic Mel Brooks and Buck Henry created spy spoof TV show Get Smart, the show itself was turned into a movie in 1980 – the aptly named Nude Bomb. Only Don Adams, the original and best Maxwell Smart, returns from the TV cast. Sylvia Kristol better known as soft-core star Emmanuelle is the love interest (!). Vittorio Gassman gets roped in, presumable to pay the electric bill. Deserves the cone of silence.

7) Moving Violations

Police Academy mastermind Neal Isreal transported his already Xeroxed transposition of Animal House antics to traffic school in this comedy tribute to nepotism. Lesser-known Murray sibling John Murray is not asked to imitate brother Brian Doyle in this film but other brother Bill, to slim returns. He’s up against Stacy Keach’s brother James Keach who is tofurky to Stacy’s Thanksgiving meal. These two sibs are balanced out by Jennifer Tilly, who had not yet eclipsed sister Meg. Also, Don Cheadle shows up ever so briefly. It’s entirely a movie by association, if you liked Police Academy, Ghostbusters, and Mike Hammer, you’ll hate Moving Violations.

Heartbeeps

Andy Kaufman and Bernadette Peters star as robot domestics who escape and fall in robot love. Vincent Canby’s original review notes that “The makeup worn by Mr. Kaufman and Miss Peters looks formidably uncomfortable.” So do the actors and everyone remotely associated with this mess.Walks the fine line between boring and subtly disturbing.

9) Memoirs of an Invisible Man

Two of the most inexpressive actors in cinema, Chevy Chase and Daryl Hannah team up in what sadly is an action adventure. Even Chase’s vocal inflections in the invisible scenes are blah and poor John Carpenter is reduced to wishing Kurt Russell had been available in this listless special effects extravaganza. Sam Neill’s mole has more range than the leads and Carpenter seems to try to get him on camera as much as possible to no avail. Note how the trailer attempts to sell the film as a comedy and then undercuts the whole thing with ” A John Carpenter Film”…

10) Zardoz

Ladies love Sean Connery but one look at his over-exposed furry body in the weird bondage-gear outfit he’s forced to wear in this pretentious sci-fi bloatfest and they may rethink the lust factor. Or not. It’s like parachute straps, a diaper, the mustache from the leather guy in The Village People, and boots and hair from Crystal Gayle all combined. If you can get past the look (and I can’t frankly) the movie is incomprehensible at best. Sample dialogue? “The gun is good… The penis is evil. The penis shoots seeds, and makes new life, and poisons the earth with a plague of men, as once it was. But the gun shoots death, and purifies the earth of the filth of brutals. Go forth and kill!” Did I mention that this comes from a flying stone head?

Here are five more filmic disaster areas — turkeys if you will — to celebrate Thanksgiving in style. To see the first five click here.

1) Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot – Two stars cross paths in this film – Sylvester Stallone on his way to better things like Tango and Cash, and rising star Estelle Getty – just finding fame on TV’s The Golden Girls. This is like the action movie version of a bad Woody Allen routine. Check out the uncomfortably Oedipal shower scene in the trailer below.

2) Megaforce – So many questions. Yes, that is Barry Bostwick, the mayor of Spin City, wearing a disturbingly form-fitting Lycra jumpsuit and a shit-eating grin. Yes indeed, that is Michael Beck, star of Warriors and Xanadu in a matching jumpsuit that facilitates a full rib count. Yes, sadly that is a “flying” motorcycle. Yes, this movie was actually theatrically released and is not a parody. No, that is not Will Ferrell in the tank. No, those reaction shots on the plane do not look even remotely believable. No, motorcycles cannot fly. No, there is no way Netflix is allowed to send anything this toxic in the mail. Enjoy this lovingly assembled lowlights reel:

3) Can’t Stop the Music – The cast list says it all : Olympian Bruce Jenner (in a pair of shorts that would make Tom of Finland blush)! Steve Guttenberg! The Village People!

4) Jack Frost – Those workaholic backstabbing serial-divorcing Hollywood types persist in making movies about taking it easy, enjoying the good things like family and your spouse, being nice and not working so darn hard! Michael Keaton’s entry in this genre has him as a workaholic blues musician named Jack Frost who gets his come-uppance by dying and being re-incarnated as a talking snowman. Creepy! There is an almost as bad horror movie with the same name and the same premise only the protag is an overworked serial killer. This one is scarier. Behold!

5) Goin‘ Ape! – This was an important transition movie for Tony Danza — from squat hairy simian co-star Danny DeVito on Taxi to the multiple squat hairy simian costars of Bobby Berosini’s Orangutans in Cannonball Run 2. The whole gang — Danza, DeVito, and Orangutans join forces in this dire inheritance “comedy.” Observe:

In honor of the Thanksgiving holiday coming up this week here in the United States I’m serving a platter of turkey. A bunch of flicks that will make you thankful not to be watching. They are not in order of painful or -lessness.

1 ) The Butterfly Effect – This ludicrous exercise in time travel and what-iffery is like Donnie Darko’s retarded half-brother. Never mind that the movie can’t even stick to its own convoluted time travel rules. Forget the pop Abel Ferrara approach which gives us pedophilia, animal torture, prostitution, and prison rape. The key to this movie is that it allows Ashton Kutcher to stretch really really wide as an actor. This is akin to allowing George W. Bush to stretch as a humanitarian or Susan Smith to stretch as a mother. They just simply aren’t that elastic. If I have to peg just one highlight it’s when Kutcher gets punked by some ill-advised past changing and is transformed into a paraplegic. Unintentional comic effect follows—behold!

2) Superman Returns – Director Bryan Singer’s wonderful film The Usual Suspects is looking more like a fluke every day. After two so-so X-Men films he did a “re-imagining” of the Superman franchise. By re-imagining the studio obviously meant ‘crap remake” because that’s what this is. Brandon Routh has no original beats of his own as either Clark Kent or Superman – he merely apes the late Christopher Reeve’s iconic performance in the 1978 original. The music, whole scenes and bits of dialogue, Marlon Brando, the opening title sequence, are lifted from the earlier superior film. The parts that have been changed have not been changed for the better. Kate Bosworth is hardly believable as a mother or a hard boiled reporter. Kevin Spacey’s coat is way more interesting than his performance and Parker Posey, oh Parker Posey. You were much, much better in Josie and The Pussycats. Everything is bigger, the movie is longer, the boredom is inevitable. Here’s Kevin Spacey doing his best to make us admire Gene Hackman:

3)The Dark Backward – The Dark Backward is a cheat – a film that is quirky and culty because it so badly wants to be seen as quirky and culty. What it really is, is crappy. The description alone ought to raise several red flags. Count ‘em off with me – Judd Nelson Stars (flag 1) as comedian Marty Malt in a dystopian alternate universe (flag 2). Malt starts to grow a third arm (big honking huge red flag number 3) which best friend Bill Paxton decides to promote with the help of slimy agent Rob Lowe (flag 4) and promoter Wayne Newton (flag 5). Even this fails to capture the grating boob-osity of Paxton’s performance, the bad Terry Gilliam in grade school style production design, the prancing panoply of overacting that this film contains. Also there’s a guy licking a corpse at a dump and a fat lady orgy, both featuring Paxton prominently. This one has a cult, and they should all be ashamed. Horrible. Here’s the trailer.

4) Highlander 2: The Quickening – The first Highlander was an amiable overdirected b-movie, plenty of 80s fun. This sequel hits the trifecta of bad filmmaking from screenplay to lighting to acting to editing. Don’t cheat and watch the director’s cut on the expanded DVD, the original’s on there also just waiting to be mocked. The expanded cut tries to fix what ails the movie which only makes a spectacular object lesson in what can go wrong while making a film into a sub par dreary scifi-er. To start with, licensing issues led to a new backstory which makes this a sequel to a film that can’t be referenced. Got that? So instead of a race of immortals (silly but charming) they are, wait for it, immortals from outer space (silly but stupid). Also, the movie is set in the future but the budget was clearly blown on Sean Connery’s 15 minutes of screen time. The solution? A voice over explaining that “Everything here is old, we drive old cars…” Oooo-kayyy. This at least is enjoyably bad, in a jaw-dropping how could this be released way. Enjoy Connery’s resurrection (which makes no sense) here:

5) Oh Heavenly Dog! – A film so bad that YouTube has no scenes from it. Chevy Chase plays a dead P.I. re-incarnated in the body of Benji the dog in this early entry in the 80s switcheroo flicks. Jane Seymour is the woman who inspires some really unsavory canine lust and Omar Sharif is the bad guy who ought to fire his agent tout suite! The poster alone makes me want to hurt myself. The folks at Benji inc. later recut it to drop a lot of the innuendo and naughty grownup talk so original cuts are rare.