The 1970s have come to be seen as one of the great eras for film (even if that view was not universally embraced at the time.) !971 embodies the spirit of experimentation, the mixing of high and low filmmaking, and the renegade spirit that the best of the decade brought to bear. Here are the 25 best films from 40 years ago.

25.Play Misty for Me

Clint kicked off his directing career at Warner Bros. with this thriller that presaged Fatal Attraction and starred Lucille from Arrested Development (Jessica Walter) as a crazy stalker nutball. Clint? Why, he’s a charismatic womanizing jazz DJ. Naturally. A must see for Eastwood fans.

24. Shaft

“He’s a bad mutha…” “Shut Your mouth!” More than an awesome theme song, Shaft showed the full commercial promise of blaxploitation flix, which would flower in the following years. Shaft was a more mainstream take on a film type that had only begun to emerge in black movie houses – a film about empowered members of the community. A rawer edged take on this had appeared earlier in the year and higher on this list with Sweet Sweetback’s Baadasssss Song. Gordon Parks is more polished than Melvin Van Peebles and Shaft became a mainstream hit – Alanis Morisette to Van Peebles’ PJ Harvey, if you will.

23. Bananas

Woody Allen was still a comic filmmaker and not yet a filmmaker who can be funny when he made this, his second film. A comic romp that is definitely a snapshot in time, not everything works but it moves quickly enough not to get bogged down.

22. The Hospital

A sort of dry run for Chayefsky’s masterpiece, Network with the titular institution in for the author’s skewering. Arthur Hiller isn’t a match for Sidney Lumet but George C. Scott barrels through the corridors with charm and Diana Rigg is never a bad thing. Some of the satire probably felt hammered home at the time but in today’s health care system it simply feels like a documentary.

21. The Panic in Needle Park

Al Pacino young and still watchable as a junkie back when the Upper West Side supported a population of the down-and-out instead of well-fed yuppie-dom. A portrait of a man and a city that were once more dangerous, edgy and fascinating in the 1970s but are now well-fed and quite domesticated.

20. Sunday, Bloody Sunday

Not to be confused with John Frankenheimer’s killer-blimp-at-the-Superbowl movie or U2′s song about “the troubles”, this was a groundbreaking film that like Schlesinger’s previous movie Midnight Cowboy, addressed homosexuality matter-of-factly. This was more challenging as it involved the fluidity of sexual identity rather than trick turning as in the earlier film. Peter Finch is terrific as the man in the middle between Murray Head (who would have a hit with “One Night in Bangkok”) and the always brilliant Glenda Jackson.

19.  Sweet Sweetback’s Baadasssss Song

As previously mentioned ’71 was a banner year for blaxploitation kicked off by this sweaty, sex-charged finger in the face of whitey that is as polarizing as it is compelling. Melvin Van Peebles is a one-man band producing, directing, starring and for all I know manning the catering truck. This was the proverbial outside the mainstream film that in the following decade would become the mainstream.

18. THX 1138

No Ewoks or Jar-Jar Binks here. Just Robert Duvall’s shaved skull and a chilly white on white futurescape that looks like iFascism from Apple. Ironically this may be Lucas’ most deeply felt film, a sort of mashup between Kubrick and Orwell by way of Heinlein.

17. Vanishing Point

Just a guy, a car, the radio, some speed (the pills as well as the accelerator pedal kind) and some cops on his trail. A chase movie pared down to the bone. And a sweet Dodge Challenger.

16. Murmur of the Heart

In the hands of a hack director this would be more like the Tom Cruise/Shelly Long teen wants to lose his virginity fest that was Losin It . Since this is Louis Malle though we are presented with a sensitive and wry portrayal of a boy playing with ideas of manhood, with a dash of illicit incestuousness to keep things interesting.

15. Silent Running

Not the film version of a Mike + The Mechanics song (thank Jeebus!) this is environmental sci-fi starring everyone’s favorite unhinged everyman Bruce Dern as the guy on  a giant greenhouse-like space station. Dern goes full guru robes to protect this only repository of what was once the earth’s lush flora and fauna – it was 1971 after all. Directed by FX whiz Doug Trumbull.

14. Trafic

Not the Soderburgh intercutting carnival, rather this is Jaques Tati’s last outing as M. Hulot. While it may not reach the artistic heights of his previous film, Playtime, it’s a delight. Tati skewers the world of cars as only he can, combining equal interests in modern design and modern absurdity as Hulot drives his gadget filled prototype to an auto show.

13. Carnal Knowledge

Considered groundbreaking for it’s frank view of sex and relationships in 1971, now it seems prescient in prefiguring the kind of male angst that would turn so sour in the hands of Neil LaBute and become the grist for comedy in the films of Judd Apatow. Jack Nicholson adds to his run of great performances from this time period and Art Garfunkel is not bad at all, though the age range they play is a bit of a stretch. Directed by Mike Nichols.

12. Dirty Harry

Decried as deeply fascist by some critics, the passage of time and dozens of movies influenced by this Don Siegel directed thriller have allowed it to be seen as the taut pulp merry-go-round it is. That’s not to say that a sneering approach to procedures that protect the accused didn’t play into the Silent Majority view that fueled the supporters of Nixonism, but that simply makes this time capsule even more interesting. Do you feel lucky, punk?

11. Two-Lane Blacktop

Two big trends: Car chases and pop stars. Like Vanishing Point this swaps Easy Rider motorcycles for more roomy transportation. Like Carnal Knowledge it marks the film debut of a musician less well-known than his partners – Dennis Wilson of The Beach Boys. This ups the ante by pairing him with James Taylor. Taylor can barely act but Wilson could have had a real career ahead of him. Monte Hellman shoots it all in glorious American widescreen and Warren Oates practically walks off with the film.

10. Death in Venice (Morte a Venezia)

Visconti’s luminous take on Thomas Mann’s novel reinforced Dirk Bogarde as a major talent after years doing light comedy. It deals with nothing so much as the nature of existence, with Bogarde’s obsession with a beautiful youth contrasted with the decay and dying all around him.

9. Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

Gene Wilder found just the right way to play Wonka. Where Johnny Depp located him just south of fey, Wilder always has a hint of menace that throws the whole movie towards the macabre. Where it belongs. The name shift from Roald Dahl’s original story, which was Charlie and… makes perfect sense in this context.

8. Get Carter

A transatlantic cousin to Dirty Harry but if anything even more uncompromising in it’s depiction of lawlessness. This was a very different performance from Michael Caine in a film that has since become a classic of pulp cinema. So gritty you can taste it.

7. Duel
Originally made for TV by a young director of Columbo episodes named Steven Spielberg, this was American existentialism at it’s finest. A traveling businessman is menaced by a big, dusty tractor-trailer that seems to have no reason to exist other than to wipe him out. Imagine that premise with a shark instead of a truck! Brilliantly simple and engrossing. Look out McCloud!

6. The Last Picture Show
Peter Bogdonavich was the poster boy for the film critics/theoreticians turned filmmakers and this was his masterpiece, shot in lustrous black and white by veteran cinematographer Roger Surtees. Deeply autumnal in mood as it examines what happens when a Texas towns frontier days are long past, it could be the work of a much older man. This was the first exposure of Jeff Bridges, Timothy Bottoms and Cybill Shephard to a wider audience and Oscars were won by longtime western film mainstay Ben Johnson and Cloris Leachman.

5. The French Connection

A key plank in the argument that American films in the early 70s used the inspiration of the European new wave to rediscover it’s own antecedents from the 1930s and 40s. Here’s a prime example, very much in the mold of Melville but also of Warner Bros. old gangster flicks. What the French were able to add was the idea that a character like Popeye Doyle (Gene Hackman) may not have many (if any) redeeming qualities and yet still be the film’s hero. In a decade lousy with car chases by the way, this contains one of the  most iconic.

4. McCabe & Mrs. Miller
Robert Altman followed his breakthrough with M*A*S*H with this wintry would-be western which ups the ante on overlapped dialogue significantly. It’s disorienting at first, as if one has wandered into a real frontier settlement with nothing at all to orient you. Warren Beatty is at his enigmatic best and Julie Christie is heartbreaking. Genius.

3. Klute
Alan J. Pakula unknowingly did a dry run for All The President’s Men with this taut atmospheric thriller. Though named after Donald Sutherland’s taciturn PI the mystery trappings are really there to reveal the layers of Jane Fonda’s call girl character, a complex woman who was unapologetic about her own choices. This was no typical “hooker with a heart of gold” but a fully realized three dimensional person brought to life with vivid depth.

2. Harold and Maude
The blueprint for the whimsy of later directors like Wes Anderson, and even a bit of the goth leanings of Tim Burton circa Beetlejuice, this black yet light comedy was another triumph for Ruth Gordon. She had already been one of the great screwball comedy writers of the 30s, 40s, 50s and her flair for acting began to win her fresh accalim in the 60s with roles in Rosemary’s Baby and Where’s Poppa. Bud Cort, the May to her December, was perfect as the glum hearse-driving rich kid who longs for death’s embrace.

1. A Clockwork Orange
This is such a singular film that it’s hard to capture just what’s going on – an extended mindfuck that is as much about Stanley Kubrick manipulating his audience as it is about futuristic ultraviolence.

Alabama Gov. Lurleen Wallace shows how to bag a turkey...

It’s hard to believe but this is the fourth year we are dredging up the worst cinema has to offer for you, the reader. Keep in mind the list is never limited to films released over the past year – ANY film can be a turkey and we haven’t run short yet. This year we have 9 losers to turkey trot out, and some all star cast members. Katherine Heigl gets two films from each end of her craptastic career and Matthew McConaughey brings the bad to two films as well. Without further ado – here they are! (after the jump, chump)

Twin Sitters

Just because you are a wrestler doesn’t mean that you are destined for crap films – Jesse Ventura was in a number of fine action flicks, Rowdy Roddy Piper has They Live on his resume and Hulk Hogan… well let’s move on. The Barbarian Brothers are twin wrestlers who are delightfully bereft of any acting talent whatsoever. After witnessing this abomination on cable I was stunned to find that they made several other films (including future Turkey entry D.C. Cab, which introduced the world to the directing talents of Joel Schumacher) and have branched out into other arts such as music and poetry.  Twin Sitters find the twins as, you guessed it, sitters for a set of ill-behaved twin boys. For no good reason at all one of the Barbarian Brothers (Peter? Paul?) seems to share a wardrobe with Pamela Anderson circa 1990, including a fondness for off-the-shoulder bare midriff sweatshirts. Classy!

Tiptoes

Let’s just cut to the chase and reveal (spoiler alert!) that Gary Oldman plays a little person who resembles a half-sized Jeff Foxworthy in both appearance and accent. This is no Forrest Gump Lt. Dan style trickery eaither – think knees on shoes, hole cut out of couch, for all I know pit dug in ground. Actual little person Peter Dinklage rises to the challenge of lousy transformative acting not by playing a person of normal height but by playing a Marxist, heavily French-accented (think Inspector Clouseau) angry rebel little person. Matthew McCono-abs plays the only normally heighted (!) person in his family, a man who is afraid to tell Kate Beckinsale that she may be carrying his dwarf child. I assumed the trailer was a FunnyorDie.com fake. It’s not.

Top Dog

If Tom Hank’s Turner and Hooch is the Citizen Kane of buddy cop/dog flicks, and Jim Belushi’s K-9 is the K-19: The Widowmaker of said genre, this here is the, oh what the hell, Tiptoes of the entire sub-category. Chuck Norris is easily out-acted by a cutesy pooch that seems to have been crossbred with a ham.

Failure to Launch

What is it about Matthew MacConoughtoKnowBetter that immediately signals “crap film.” He’s not an awful actor, he just seems to choose scripts while hammered on Four Loko and skunk weed and banging on his bongos like a chimpanzee.  For shame, Kathy Bates! As for Sarah Jessica Parker, turn those Manolos around and march directly into your agents office with a can of gasoline and set it on fire. Not that you are good in anything that doesn’t have “…and the City” in the title. OK, maybe Square Pegs. This film actually got me thinking about how screwball comedy fans like myself bear some of teh blame for ludicrous garbage like this. On paper it sounds like the ingredients for a decent farce – man would prefer to live at home with parents in his thirties so they hire woman to lure him from the nest. But Preston Sturges is long dead and the “creative team” behind this stinker wouldn’t be fit to wash his car.

The Ugly Truth

Speaking of crap romantic “comedies”… Katherine Heigl seems attractive but as a person and an actress is somewhere below gum on the sidewalk. After slamming Judd Apotow for the single good movie she has been and probably ever will be in, on the grounds of  being stereotypical and sexist:

“It paints the women as shrews, as humorless and uptight, and it paints the men as lovable, goofy, fun-loving guys. It exaggerated the characters, and I had a hard time with it, on some days. I’m playing such a bitch; why is she being such a killjoy? Why is this how you’re portraying women? Ninety-eight percent of the time it was an amazing experience, but it was hard for me to love the movie.”

…she stars in this backwards facing mess about a neanderthal asshole and the prissy goody two-shoes shrew who turn out to be made for each other. Oh, touche Katherine! Thanks for showing us how it’s done! This film is grim on every level, with a performance by Gerard Butler that should be a rebuke to any casting agent dumb enough to cast him in a part that requires extensive dialogue.

Collision Course

Fear not Conan O’Brien, Jay Leno has already suffered a fate worse than death by starring in this buddy cop cliche-athon with a very, very sorry Pat Morita. Leno, pre-Tonight Show, plays the American cop looking for revenge and paired up with inscrutable Japanese cop Morita. Poor Jay does his best Nick Nolte good ol’ racist routine from 48 Hours but acting is simply not in the lantern-jawed show blockers DNA. And Morita, who can act, just sits there and takes it. Nearly as bad for US – Japan relations as World War II.

Theodore Rex

How bad is this movie? So bad that Whoopi Goldberg actually sued to try to get out of her contract. Unluckily for her, she lost the case and was forced to do this piece of dreck at camerapoint, as it were. There isn’t a really good way to delve into the plot of this stinkpile so I’ll quote another blogger here from HeadInjuryTheatee:

“…I don’t really think that I’ve properly conveyed how much this film can hurt you. Whoopi Goldberg in a skintight latex body stocking, a big rubber dinosaur that farts a lot, a half-hour scene involving dinosaurs waltzing, exploding butterflies, Whoopi the cyborg….all these things combine to create this unholy abomination of a film…”

This is yet another buddy cop film, only this one is set in the future. And in the future what else would you expect to be partnered with but a dog. No, scratch that, a dinosaur. Named Theodore. Makes that whole Ted Danson thing seem like a great idea, doesn’t it?

Hardbodies

When I was 13 this film was a revelation, an unfolding of a whole southern California beach and boobs based culture that to an urban (ie New York Jewboy) kid was like a strange alternate universe. It’s also a truly terrible filmed, like spliced together outtakes of a fever dream being shared by both Mr. Furley and Larry from Three’s Company. Three old guys (ie early 40s which now is NOT OLD to me) hook up with a couple of youngsters to learn about the modern art of banging broads at the beach. Everybody learns a lesson, most of all the audience which accounts for the non stardom of all involved. One of teh rare instances of the trailer being as inversely good (and honest) as the film is bad.

My Father The Hero

Enlightened feminist Heigl stars in this leer-fest which should come equipped with Chris Hanson in every DVD. At 14 it’s not fair to blame her for a film which objectives every inch of her nubile body, including a lingering thong bathing suit sequence and then punishes the viewer with Gerard Depardieu’s potbelly and painfully tortured English. Unless you are Pedobear this film is a serious Depar-don’t. The plot involves young Katherine trying to score guys by claiming her bulbous-nosed French bumblebutt of a father is actually her older lover. Hilarious!

Al Pacino in Dog Day Afternoon

1975 was smack in the middle of one of the best decades for film ever and this list certainly proves it out – Beatty, Nicholson, Hackman, Spielberg, Lumet, Pacino, all at or near peaks. Enjoy the extravaganza of some of my favorites films from that year and feel free to disagree in the comments!

26. The Fortune

Given the pedigree of the stars involved and the point in their careers The Fortune should be some kind of classic but the weight of expectation and masterworks from both stars within the same years render this enjoyable romp an obscurity. A period piece (the 70s were really obsessed with the 30s) with real-life buds Jack Nicholson and Warren Beatty playing conniving friends and romantic rivals alongside Stockard Channing, this is due for a re-evaluation.

25. The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes’ Smarter Brother

It’s often forgotten that Gene Wilder co-wrote Young Frankenstein with Mel Brooks, and here he attempts the classic satire feat solo with Arthur Conan Doyle’s detective hero. Though it may not reach the heights of that previous film much of the cast is replicated including the wonderful Marty Feldman, and much agreeable lunacy ensues.

24. The Return of the Pink Panther

Blake Edwards and his star Peter Sellars would return to this well many, many times, as would their studio. As downright awful as these outings can be this initial return after a several  year layoff is one of the best. David Niven is swapped out of the cat burglar role for Christopher Plummer but this sets the template for the series formula.

23. The Eiger Sanction

Tongue-in-cheek sub-Bond adventure with Clint Eastwood in the lead, this is good dumb fun. It’s also directed by an up-and-coming director who would gain acclaim much later in his career, a fellow named Clint Eastwood. Along to chomp on the mountain scenery are Jack Casady and George Kennedy.

22. Cooley High

Low budget and full of heart, this is like  American Graffiti from the black perspective. A slice of 60s life enlivened by Freddie “Boom Boom” Washington in one of his best non-Sweathog roles.

21. The Sunshine Boys

Another product of the Neil Simon hit making factory which ruled Broadway in the period and was colonizing screens large and small with stuff like the Odd Couple and Plaza Suite. Walter Matthau plays older and George Burns plays younger as members of an estranged vaudeville team reunited for TV. Jack Benny was set to play the Burns part but backed out with terminal illness, recommending Burns who hadn’t starred in a film since before World War II. Burns won an Oscar for Supporting Actor for this role.

20. Switchblade Sisters

This film doesn’t involve Sir John Giulgud at all, and it likes it better that way. The ultimate tough girl film, this got an enthusiastic re-release under the auspices of Quentin Tarantino in 1996. This is no John Hughes vision of High School – the mean girls here are the Dagger Debs and they mean it – to the point of getting thrown into juvie . Every B-movie cliche is embraced with gusto.

19. Farewell, My Lovely

For whatever reason filmmakers in the 70s were fascinated by film noir of the 40s and this Raymond Chandler adaptation goes so far as to grab one of late noir’s breakout actors, Robert Mitchum, to star. Mitchum is both the strength and the weakness here: Too old for the part yet with tremendous charisma. Matching his laconic style, the film is unhurried in rolling out its detective story.  Stunning sets and photography make it time well spent.

18. A Boy and His Dog

Before Sonny Crockett was partnered with Tubbs, he was partnered with a telepathic dog in this dark sci-fi classic. There’s a touch of Dr. Strangelove to the proceedings leavened with some humorous interplay between man and beast. Man finds food for dog and dog finds ladies for man. In theory everyone wins but in practice Don Johnson’s johnson leads him astray one time too many.

17. Deep Red

If Hitchcock were an Italian splatter film director, he would be Dario Argento. Cheesy, scary and bloody, this was the film that crossed Argento over to midnight screens in the United States and no doubt helped kick off the wave of slasher movies by Americans that were to follow.

16. The Great Waldo Pepper

Re-teaming George Roy Hill and Robert Redford for a third go-round probably seemed like a slam-dunk, so maybe it was the lack of Newman that led to the relative failure compared to Butch Cassidy and The Sting. Witha  strong Willaim Goldman screenplay and plenty of period action and humor, it’s a very underrated film. Also, dogfights!

15. The Man Who Would Be King

Great imperialist fun with two of Britain’s finest, Michael Caine and Sean Connery and you get Christopher Plummer as Rudyard Kipling. John Huston directs with a wink at Gunga-Din but there’s no getting around the queasy all-too-now reality of two foreigners getting up to their eyeballs in trouble by scheming in Afghanistan.

14. Rollerball

Clearly the future will undergo a great craze for 70s style decor judging from this cheeseball classic. You can make the argument that they got malaise-era government bankruptcy right, as well as reality TV and extreme sports.

13. The Wind and the Lion

Utter historical bunk with just enough truth there to be subverted, but it hardly matters in a film this entertaining. The usually bellicose John Milius turns in a surprisingly anti-Imperialist and questioning towards America’s foreign policy. Sean Connery does a Berber chieftain by way of the highlands to perfection, with Candace Bergen as the comely kidnapped American. Brian Keith as Teddy Roosevelt is not to be missed.

12. Picnic at Hanging Rock

Peter Weir’s ethereal tale about missing schoolgirls brings to mind Sofia Coppola’s Virgin Suicides in its gauzy Hamilton-inspired cinematography and allegorical nature.

11. Death Race 2000

Almost as camp as Rocky Horror – Casanova Frankenstein is a character name in this gleeful poor taste festival that posits a future in which road racing is combined with road rage and points are given for mowing down spectators and pedestrians. Avoid the crap remake.

10. Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Beloved of A/V geeks the world over, the Monty Python troupe made the leap to TV with this historical romp which features rampant silliness, coconuts for horses, and French-style rudeness. Accept no substitutes.

9. The Rocky Horror Picture Show

This gender bending musical spectacular pioneered the midnight movie scene. Unsuccessful in wide release it became a perennial for outcasts to check out at late night showings, eventually spawning its’ own culture of dress-up and call-and-response to the screen that neatly prefigured  today’s dress up for ComicCon culture.

8. Night Moves

One of the most underrated films of the decade, Arthur Penn’s take on noir (a genre that merited much revisiting in the 70s)   finds just the right Bogart stand-in with hard bitten everyman Gene Hackman. Then there’s Melanie Griffith typecast as she was in this period as jailbait and a skeevy James Woods in a bit part.

7. Jaws

One of the most influential films on the business of movies, Jaws ushered in the era of the summer blockbuster. It’s also quite good. It’s easy to forget Spielberg’s verisimilitude with everyday life but the texture of New England island resort living helps to permeate and elevates the underlying b-movie origins of the plot. Richard Dreyfuss is the cocky egghead stand-in for Spielberg himself – a new generation with new gear and imagination against the old school represented by Robert Shaw’s salty Quint. The male bonding scenes between Roy Scheider and the two other men help make the film, grounding the monster movie horror in real humanity.

6. The Passenger

Antonioni had something to prove with this, his last great work. Only able to get financing with a big star attached he got Jack Nicholson at the peak of his career. Ostensibly a thriller of sorts about an American reporter in North Africa, it not surprisingly plays out as an existential fable with tendrils that reach all the way to David Lynch’s Lost Highway.

5. Three Days of the Condor

I was never a huge fan of the late director Sydney Pollack. In fact I’m on record as preferring his acting to his directing. That said, this is one of his best films. A solid contender in the paranoid Watergate thriller sweepstakes so popular in the 70s, it’s an oblique commentary on how detached citizens can become from the real doings of their governments dressed up as a sub-Hitchcock adventure. Redford is just teh right side of believable as a bookish CIA analyst seemingly far removed from the action and Max Von Sydow is phenomenal as an assassin. The only bum note is a shoehorned romance with Faye Dunaway but it’s not enough to kill the mood.

4. Nashville

Whether you consider this Altman’s masterpiece or not, it’s a remarkable film and the one that sets all the touchstones  for calling another movie “Altmanesque.” In addition to the overlapping dialogue that was already his trademark there is the sprawling cast of characters centered loosely around a place, an event and even an industry – in this case the Nashville music scene.  The remarkable cast is a treat, especially Lily Tomlin. The plot can seem a bit schematic by the end but it’s a story worth experiencing.

3. Shampoo

The knock on Beatty was that he was a vain, emptyheaded cocksman more consumed with his image and the perception that he was doing great work than anything else. Shampoo allows him to play a parody of himself that lives up to all of these assumptions and undercuts them first with comedy and then with tragedy. As a horndog hairstylist he fools women’s husbands into thinking he’s gay and beds their wives but his ambition and his desire for something more with Julie Christie begin to tug at him. Goldie Hawn has never been better as the woman who loves him in vain.

2. Dog Day Afternoon

The quintessential American film of the 70s, this masterpiece directed by Sidney Lumet challenged audiences to sympathize with Al Pacino’s bankrobber, a character who keeps testing your ability to stick with him. Yet both the audience and other characters in the film find themselves feeling for the guy, perhaps in part out of a sense of his own scrappy ineptitude. It was a time when the old ideas of authority were being upended – the chant of “Attica! Attica!” shorthand for a society that felt more like rioting inmates than wardens.Yet Pacino finds that being a symbol is a lot easier than being a complicated human being with motivations that might be tough for outsiders to understand.

1. One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest

Some films that win Best Picture at the Academy awards seem like lame-o compromises, but in a strong year for film this was a powerhouse. Staying true to Ken Kesey’s groundbreaking novel, Milos Forman’s film features one of Jack Nicholson’s most indelible performances. Produced by Michael Douglas and originally intended to star his father Kirk, the long delay in production led to the perfect casting of Nicholson as the anti-hero McMurphy. Louise Fletcher’s Nurse Rathched has become equally iconic as a figure of cold implacable authority and a terrific ensemble including Danny DeVito, Vincent Schiavelli and Brad Dourif. An unforgettable tour de force.

Ah, the 80s.  If you wanted original programming you had your three networks (until Fox came along at the end of the decade and HBO jumped into original shows around the same time) plus PBS. Nowadays you’d have to go to the likes of the Sci-Fi Channel… oh excuse me, SyFy to see the level of cheese on display below.

What did you need to launch a show in the 80s? A cool vehicle (whether it be a motorcycle, car, helicopter, or boat) a slab of beef for a leading man with a  name like Rex or Perry, a crusty lieutenant type, a woman with big hair and shoulder pads, and a kick ass theme song.

Automan

Automan was an early 80s view of high-tech which was like Tron turned inside out – picture the pitch meeting:  “Instead of the guy getting sucked into the computer, the computer is  a guy who gets sucked into our world!” Where he befriends charisma-free Desi Arnaz Jr. Quick, let me back in! Along for the ride is Cursor, a “special effect”that doesn’t quite earn the sobriquet “special” but does appear to be a bit of a digital horndog. Love the font. Bonus points for having their slab of beef be computer generated.

Riptide

A mangy crossbreed of the helicopter show genre (there was such a thing – witness Blue Thunder and Airwolf), comical detective show, and geek chic plus a soupcon of Miami Vice‘s seaside setting. The rawkin’ guitar and Mike Post theme song credit is a giveaway that 70s and 80s cheese master Stephen J. (Magnum P.I.) Cannell is behind the scenes though this lesser show failed to light up the ratings. Make my slab of beef a double.

The Misadventures of Sheriff Lobo

A spinoff of a show that was itself a cheese landmark, Greg Evigan’s starmaking vehicle BJ and The Bear, this stuntmen’s meal ticket starred country singer Claude Akins in the title role. Imagine if the Smokey and the Bandit movies were about Jackie Gleason‘s character, only played with a lot less verve and no cussing. Where’s the (slab of) beef?

Hello Larry

Maclean Stevensen’s career post-M*A*S*H had vital signs that resembled one of Frank Burns’ patients. This was yet another comeback attempt. I’d summarize the plot but the theme song does that for you, in excruciating detail. What it doesn’t explain is Meadowlark Lemon’s involvement. Meadowlark – fire your agent!

Street Hawk

Knight Rider with a motorcycle, what could go wrong? Rex Smith is the slab of beef designated as the lead, a pre-Murphy Brown Joe Regalbuto is the geek factor and the theme song is ripe for a re-working as a rap backing track.

Hardcastle and McCormick

A steakhouse of intrigue? Roaming accountants? Nay, Hardcastle and McCormick were judge and ex-con bound together to fight crime with a fast car. Daniel Hugh-Kelly is admittedly a high grade slab of beef and Brain Keith as the judge is a long way from the charming 60s bachelor-dad-com Family Affair. The tire budget must have been substantial going by the smoky burnouts and chirping 180s that are the show’s stock in trade.

Manimal

The improbably named Simon MacCorkindale led this fantasy about a dude who could shape shift into a handful of animals via pre-filmed transformation footage that rarely matched the surrounding scenes.  Here the feeling at the network seemed to be that the theme footage (and title) didn’t tell viewers enough to figure out the basic outline so they include some helpful exposition. Next time, try lyrics a la Hello Larry. Bonus points for using a horse as cool vehicle.

Whiz Kids

Nerds! You expect Ogre to jump out of the Hardcastle and McCormick credits to come on down here and kick some nerd ass. But he doesn’t. Instead we get lame magic, the kid from Little House, Barney Miller‘s Wojo sans hairpiece, and the lovely Andrea Elson who made my 12 year jockey shorts chafe when she played the violin. Too much information?

Hart to Hart

The best expositional voiceover ever? At least the best on this list. “When they met, it was moider…” If he were still alive, I’d want Lionel Stander as my GPS device voice. The theme is double time disco with a delicious horn intro that sounds like a Mack truck that went to finishing school and you get lots of Hollywood’s hottest dead spouse (Wagner’s wife Natalie Wood died under mysterious circumstances on their boat during a three person party involving Christopher Walken while Powers husband William Holden died non-mysteriously of cancer during the show’s run) non-couple in action. Bonus points for using a plane as cool vehicle.

TJ Hooker

Shatner running full speed is a special effect in and of itself. See him grab onto a car hood! See his stunt double do all the work! Adrian Zmed is a lean cut of beef to be sure but then you’ve got a slice of cheese cake that is Heather Locklear, the pin-up Beatles to Heather Thomas’ (see The Fall Guy below) Stones. How many different vehicles does Shatner subdue in this intro? Lots, including a school bus and a small plane.

Helltown

The video quality may be bad but believe me, the show is worse. Creepy murderer Robert Blake was still just the quirky dude from Baretta and somehow producers thought that viewers would swallow his ghetto priest character if they got a past his prime Sammy Davis Jr. to warble the theme song as he did for that earlier show.  But wait, you get Whitman Mayo’s head superimposed over a hungry goat, lots of nuns, cattle, even a black cat. Looks like a casting call for Manimal.

Foul Play

Remember the slight but charming comedy suspense caper starring Chevy Chase and Goldie Hawn. Well this is the TV version and its exactly the same! Only there’s some lady as Goldie and Barry Bostwick in the Chevy role. But that’s better, right? Just like disco-ing up the Barry Manilow theme from the film is an improvement. Hey same shot of Highway 1 as in the movie. Mostly.

Hunter

The slab of beef in this case is pro football refugee Fred Dryer. The big hair and shoulder pads is the lovely and overqualified Stephanie Kramer. The vehicle is a Dodge Daytona, by all accounts an anemic piece of 80s automotive trash (basically a K-Car with a turbo engine and a swoopier body) that’s thrown around here like a Lamborghini. Don’t be fooled by the Mike Post theme song, this one is produced by Cannell’s sometime partner Frank Lupo.

The Fall Guy

Boy as a singer that Lee Majors sure is a good actor! The tongue-in-cheek theme song sets the tone for the stunt heavy show with Majors as beef supreme and Douglass Barr as a junior patty. Markie Post brings the hair and pads in her pre- Night Court days and Heather Thomas is an animated pin-up there to make up for the lack of a crusty lieutenant type.

Small Wonder

A change of pace from the relentless shoot-em-ups on this list, instead we have a pre-feminist creation myth set to 50s style easy listening tripe. All the men on this show look like Botero paintings.

The Powers of Matthew Star

I’m Lou Gossett Jr., and I’ll be providing expositional voiceover for this inspiring story of an alien prettyboy who comes to earth as a refugee, and then dates cheerleaders and develops his awesome poers to, us, move books. Hey he’s on the football team! This is the least alienated alien ever. You’ll just have to take my word for the fact that their are exciting run-ins with enemy assassins and so forth since you won’t see any of that action in the intro.

The Pheonix

Ancient astronauts leave a gift for mankind in some South American pyramid, a purse-lipped fellow devoid of body hair who resembles Space: 1999 star Barbara Bain. Only prettier. Is that James Earl Jones doing the voiceover?

Stingray

So the guy’s git a nice car – is that enough to build a show around? Sure when your main character is a slab of beef named Ray (or “Identity Unknown” according to this credit sequence). Occupation: Unknown? We call that unemployed round these parts. Anyhoo he does seem to have a sideline in shadow puppetry, glasses wearing, and the same kind of quasi-Masonic symbiology used in the credit sequence for The Phoenix.

Tales of The Gold Monkey

This Indiana Jones ripoff answers the burning question: What did the dad from Seventh Heaven do before that show and after his role in Star Trek: The Motion Picture? The answer is, he starred opposite a dog in a leather eyepatch as a Harrison Ford wannabee. Sure he’s low on the slab of beef meter but he does get the cool transportation right with a seaplane. Roddy McDowell must have had the same agent as Meadowlark Lemon.

Cover Up

How’s THIS for slabs of beef – it’s like a butchers shop in here. Sadly star Jon Erik-Hexum ended up on a slab himself after accidentally shooting himself in the head with a prop gun. Which makes his credit in especially poor taste Nevertheless it’s nice to see a credit sequence that dares to juxtapose the world of modeling with the world of soldiering, an implicit indictment of Reagen-era America’s superficiality in the face of it’s undeclared wars in Nicaragua and El Salvador. Or maybe it’s just plain cheesy editing.

Matt Houston

“Get me a Magnum!” was undoubtedly the cry from a TV executive jealous of the success of Tom Selleck’s action detective series on CBS. His minions delivered the equine monikered Lee Horsley, a supreme slab of beef. This whole credit sequence looks like the setup for a Will Ferrell movie. And then there’s Buddy Ebsen as Uncle Roy. Killer theme song though.

Look into your heart!

Was 1990 really the 90s, or was it just the hangover from the 80s? While you ponder that, consider that Nirvana and Tarantino were still a year away and a little show called Seinfeld was confusing a tiny audience before supplanting Cheers as NBC’s big sitcom property. There was also the little matter of Gulf War I, which bears the same relationship to Gulf War II as Caddyshack, Airplane!, Chinatown do to their respective sequels.

So, cast your mind back 20 years – here are the Best Movies of 1990:

25. Dick Tracy

Flawed? Absolutely… but like almost everything else Warren Beatty is involved with (Town and Country notwithstanding) there are fascinating bits to be found. Part of the first wave of comic book films in the wake of Tim Burton’s Batman, Dick Tracy takes it’s color scheme straight from the comics. The set design is mesmerizing, with scenes that seem as much from the paintings of Charles Sheeler as from Chester Gould’s classic strip. Then there are the plethora of heavily made-up star cameos by the likes of Pacino and DeNiro. Madonna is heavily made-up too but unfortunately it’s no cameo and not much of a performance. Yet it’s not enough to sink a diverting film. Don’t let the atrocious trailer (below) put you off:

24. Die Hard 2: Die Harder

Not a patch on the original, this sequel has it’s own charms as a sort of Airport ’90 on roids. Willis is back in smirking form as New York cop John McClane and this time he’s fighting terrorists in a pre-9/11 airport. One plus is a bigger role for Bonnie Bedelia as McClane’s wife Holly, and some pretty gnarly plane crashes. Director Renny Harlin rode this film to next-big-thing status despite following it up with Andrew “Dice” Clay’s debut Ford Fairlane, and went on to a brief marriage to Gena Davis. Here’s Bruce Willis fighting the dad from TV’s Good Times:

23. The Witches

Nicolas Roeg’s adaptation of  Roald Dahl’s book captures the macabre grotesquerie at the heart of most of the best children’s tales from the likes of the Brothers Grimm. Anjelica Huston is majestically wicked as the head witch presiding over a witches convention at a nondescript hotel which two boys have the distinct misfortune of stumbling into.

22. Days of Being Wild

Hong Kong director Wong Kar-Wai took viewers back thirty years to 1960 for a tumultuous film that explores the ennui of a guy named Yuddy who is too preoccupied with searching for his mother to choose between the two women in is life, one a glamourpuss and the other more shy and down to earth.

21. Tie Me Up! Tie Me Down!

Almodovar was still in his shock and awe period with this one, a film that asks the question “Who’s hotter?” Victoria Abril or Antonio Banderas? By any normal standards Banderas is a nutball stalker yet Almodovar works the audiences and Abril’s sympathy until it seems perfectly reasonable that she should fall for the man holding her captive.

20. Total Recall

Philip K. Dick likely never imagined that his highly cerebral sci-fi would  become re-purposed after his death as a slew of Hollywood action flicks but that’s exactly what happened. While this isn’t the best of the bunch it’s hardly the worst, with the mind-bending plot mostly left intact and augmented by Gov. Ah-nuld’s spectacular sparring with up-and-coming Sharon Stone.  Paul Verhoeven is in the directors chair for this one, but it’s rather tame considering what he gets away with in Robocop and Starship Troopers (not to mention Showgirls). Even so he manages to sneak in enough subversion and winks to make for an entertaining popcorn ride.

19. White Hunter, Black Heart

Typically maligned by critics, this film dates from a period in which Clint Eastwood’s directorial efforts were seen as an actor’s indulgence rather than a career in itself. What makes this so interesting is the fact that Eastwood tips his hand to a director and type of film he admired – John Huston – going so far as to play the Huston-based character. Yet as a director his one-take philosophy would seem at odds with Huston’s seeming nonchalance towards schedules and the orderly process of a shoot. Set around the filming of an African Queen-like epic Eastwood amiably chews the scenery and delivers more dialogue in each scene than in his entire spaghetti western career. This also previewed Eastwood’s coming interest in the underbelly of tough guy types like Huston, as the realities of Africa intrude on his fantasy of big game hunting. Here Clint and Lost’s Lapidus discuss the war with a not very nice lady:

18. Tremors

A superior b-movie if there ever was one, Tremors advances tongue in cheek across a desert landscape populated by tough, sometimes dim, but always determined characters who – as it turns out – may be wormfood for giant carnivorous slimies. This clever take on the cycle of life has great performances all around from Kevin Bacon and Fred Ward and Family Ties dad Michael Gross cast brilliantly against type as a survivalist. The special effects are on the right side of cheesy and assured directing by Ron Underwood keeps things tense and lively.

17. Blue Steel

Way before she became the first woman director to win an Oscar Kathryn Bigelow cut her teeth on clever thrillers like this and Near Dark. Jamie Lee Curtis has one of her best dramatic roles as a rookie cop who has to use her weapon on day one and pays a strange and twisted price for it at the hands of loony Ron Silver.

16. Wild at Heart

A letdown perhaps after Blue Velvet but Nicholas Cage’s overacting finds a willing partner in David Lynch’s embrace of the strange. Mixed in are Laura Dern and her mom, Harry Dean Stanton, Elvis, and the creepiest Willem Dafoe performance ever. And that’s saying something. Also, Jack Nance discourses on dogs.

15. Edward Scissorhands

A gothic fish out of water tale that set the “Tim Burton” tone to follow and established Johnny Depp as a rising star beyond being a 21 Jump Street pinup. A surprisingly touching story about a mechanical boy who finds himself in a plastic fantasyland suburb, taken in by a family that loves him even as they are baffled by him. The part of the film that works less well is the love subplot – Winona Ryder and Depp have good chemistry but her blond hair is a distraction, as is a newly muscled Anthony Michael Hall as her lout of a boyfriend. Still the set design and imagination is amazing and Vincent Price is magnificent in his last role as Edward’s father/inventor.

14. The Freshman

Andrew Bergman’s The Freshman is a movie-lover’s comedy, the centerpiece being Marlon Brando’s delicious send-up of his own iconic performance in the Godfather. Along for the ride are Bruno Kirby in excellent form and Matthew Broderick, before his fussy naif routine became ossified on Broadway.

13. Ghost

Is this the least likely film for one of Airplane!’s directors to have been involved with? A genuinely romantic delight, Demi Moore is at her most luminously beautiful as Patrick Swayze’s widow. Swayze makes good use of his sensitive brand of masculinity while Tony Goldwyn corners the market on best friends who bear watching. Even so the movie is nearly stolen by Whoopi Goldberg as the fake medium who discovers a very real ability to see dead folks.

12. House Party

The Hudlin brothers created a warm, funny slice of life with House Party which was a surprise Sundance discovery and box office hit.  Though it could be seen as a late entry in the 80s teen movie cycle, it also foreshadowed goofy fare like the Harold & Kumar series that sandwich a dollop of social commentary in between the good times and gags. Neither stars Kid, nor indeed Play, would find much success later on but Robin Harris, Martin Lawrence, Tisha Campbell and the Hudlins would all go on to bigger and better in the subsequent decade.

11. Reversal of Fortune

Not to be confused with the Bette Midler/Shelley Long epic Outrageous Fortune , this tells the true story of Klaus and Sunny Von Bulow who, if you lived in New York in the 80s like me, were all the rage. Specifically, did Klaus murder Sunny? Jeremy Irons gives a deliciously icy performance that’s expertly matched by Glenn Close and Hollywood conservative Ron Silver shows what ac-TING! is all about by playing lefty lawyer Alan Deshowitz to the hilt.

10. Cry-Baby

There is no question that John Waters began to mainstream his most outlaw ideas by the late 80s, yet his subversive kinkiness still gave a kick to more supposedly “friendly” fare like Hairspray and this film, which along with Edward Scissorhands helped to established Johnny Depp as a young actor willing to take chances. The film itself is a loving send-up of 50s rebel flicks – in some ways it’s a much more successful and less spoofy take on Top Secret! complete with great musical numbers – could a Broadway musical version be far behind?

9. Internal Affairs

Not to be confused with Hong Kong classic Infernal Affairs, this too is a cop drama thriller but it features top notch performances by Andy Garcia and Richard Gere at his scuzziest. The bonus is a Baldwin brother and Roseanne’s sister in meaty supporting roles, and a top notch script aided by atmospheric direction from Mike Figgis.

8. Miami Blues

George Armitage has never attained the renown of fellow Roger Corman alums such as Jonathan Demme, but then he only has a handful of films to his credit of which this and Grosse Point Blank are easily the best. This is also one of Alec Baldwin’s best films, an underrated piece of work that harks back to 70s genre-bending pulp. Baldwin a charming violence-prone con man, Jennifer Jason Leigh is the sweet woman who loves him, and Fred Ward is the grizzled cop on his trail. Funny, fast-paced and surprising, this is an often overlooked gem.

7. King of New York

Could there be a more perfect combination of sensibilities than Abel Ferrara and Christopher Walken? This movie finds them both in peak form, with Walken playing a drug dealer just out of the pen and looking to reestablish himself. Lawrence Fishburne is terrific as his pal, and David Caruso reminds us why he was once considered an actor.

6. Pump Up the Volume

Oh Samantha Mathis, what happened? Christian Slater builds on his superior Heathers cred with the now-quaint tale of a teen with a pirate radio station. I can confirm that the soundtrack was standard equipment in many a freshman college dorm room even if the movie is a bit too much Footloose for it’s own good. Fun either way and Samantha Mathis, come back!

5. The Grifters

This is pitch black neo-noir with a great Oscar-nominated cast including Angelica Huston and Annette Benning along with John Cusack. Psychologically acute and satisfyingly twisty, this is one of Stephen Frears’ very best films and a great pulp classic. True to the feel of the Jim Thompson book on which is based, it also has a compelling sense of existing outside of time.

4. Europa Europa

A true story-based Holocaust film that is riveting and unforgettable – much more so than The Piano in my opinion. Much of this is due to a great performance by Marco Hofschneider as a young Jewish boy who so thoroughly hides his identity that he becomes a Hitler Youth member and is held up as a paragon of Aryan virtue. Julie Delpy is simply fantastic as the young woman who wants to fool around for the Fuhrer.

3. La Femme Nikita

At this point it’s hard to get past the endless strip mining of this material (a lousy American remake starring Bridget Fonda, not one but two TV shows) and director Luc Besson’s current status as the French Jerry Bruckheimer. Yet this film was a riveting blast of smart action upon release, prefiguring Tarantino’s work just a year later in it’s artfully staged violence, clever plotting, and woman as-action-hero stance.

2. Miller’s Crossing

The Coen Brothers followed the freneticism of their first two films with the more subdued but equally impressive gangster drama that is Miller’s Crossing. Stylistically audacious, this is the first cinematic taste of their thirties fetish with dialogue that crackles like His Girl Friday. Still the issues of allegiance and identity are explored through modern prisms of sexuality and creed. Gabriel Byrne is at the top of his game as a consigliere who has to think 5 steps ahead. Albert Finney and Jon Polito are evenly matched as rival gang bosses, Marcia Gay Harden is the moll who’s steppin’ out and John Turturro is her conniving weasel of a brother.

1. Goodfellas

The last out and out classic Scorsese flick? It’s beginning to seem that way. Goodfellas is in the top rank of the man’s work, a true story that is alive with vibrancy. As stylized in it’s own way as the Coen Brothers’ Miller’s Crossing buy visceral where the Coen’s go cerebral. You can smell the red sauce, the blood, the clean tablecloths. There are so many scene’s of sheer mastery from the tracking shot intro of the mobsters hanging out in the restaurant (“This is Johnny two-times ’cause he said everything two times…” ) to Pesci’s classic “Why am I funny?” to Ray Liotta getting trailed by a chopper. DeNiro does some of his most subtle work here and the control of the material, which span some 25 years, is unerring.

Ted Knight in Caddyshack

The movie industry was in transition in 1980 – away from the auteur-driven seventies golden era and towards the age of the eighties blockbuster. Ringing out the old guard were duds like Cimino’s Heaven’s Gate, which became shorthand for out-of-control directorial hubris and Robert Altman’s Popeye which made a better soundtrack than a film. Representing the new were high-concept low IQ sequels like the troubled Superman II and the execrable Smokey and The Bandit Part II, each of which were hits out of all proportion to their quality. Kneel before Zod indeed.

However there were plenty of fine films from all over the spectrum in 1980 and here are the 20 that I think are keepers (after the jump) :

20. Foxes

Part of a cycle of bad girl films that also included the more popular but inferior Little Darlings, Foxes is helped by having Jodie Foster in the lead and a delightfully seedy and nihilistic take worthy of L.A., not to mention co-star Cherie Currie of The Runaways. There isn’t much of a plot to speak of, just loose vignettes of drinking, doping and doing it and the parents who are too self-absorbed to care. Enlivened by an era-appropriate cheese and sleaze rock soundtrack.

19. Return of the Secaucus Seven

This is John Sayles first film and it has a warts and all quality consistent with its ultra-low budget. It’s also a charming character study ripped off thanklessly for Lawrence Kasdan’s glib The Big Chill a few years later. The premise is the same, a group of counter-culture inclined pals from the 60s reunite now in their early 30s – aimless and struggling with an adulthood they once mocked. The main cast remains pretty anonymous today but they all give solid natural performances. On the fringes are Clark Gregg as an idealistic politico and David Straithairn as a goofy townie who has more depth than first appears.

18. Caddyshack

Maybe not a great film as a whole but as a collection of riffs it’s pretty dynamite. A sort of battle of the comedy stylings you get Ted Knight doing the classic haughty slow-burn, the great Rodney Dangerfield in a star-making turn as a sort of one-man Marx brother, Chevy Chase doing his louche smug deal, and Bill Murray doing the kind of off-the-wall character work that would be emulated by the likes of Will Ferrell years down the road. And a kick-ass Kenny Loggins song.

17. The Elephant Man

The film that catapulted David Lynch into the mainstream for a brief moment. The Lynchian weirdness is there in the very subject matter and the obsession look in the eye of Anthony Hopkins, as well as the choice to film in lush black and white. Yet it also passes as costume drama of a sort if you put aside the strangely unnerving soundtrack. Produced by Mel Brooks, and not coincidentally featuring a wonderful turn by his wife, Anne Bancroft.

16. Ordinary People
Robert Redford showed his mettle as a director by taking on this tricky film which succeeds for the most part in exploring a young man’s difficulty growing up and adjusting to a terrible family tragedy that is tearing his parents apart. The acting is what puts this over the top with Timothy Hutton rightly praised for his seamless work in the lead, the lovely Elizabeth McGovern as a fellow teen, and Donald Sutherland and Mary Tyler Moore who are fantastic as the parents. Moore in particular is as far as she can get from her sunny Mary Richards character on TV – brittle, wounded and wounding it’s a great and brave performance.

15. The Stunt Man

Richard Rush is one of the great almost-was Hollywood directors – praised by Truffaut but with a maddeningly scattershot body of work. At his best though here and to a lesser extent the 1974 cop buddy movie farce Freebie and The Bean his satire was both cutting and prescient. The Stunt Man was actually made in 1978 but languished until Rush could find a studio to release it, just in time for it’s twisted view of the mashup between fiction and reality to find it’s ultimate expression in the election of a b-movie star as President. Peter O’ Toole is the film director who seems to enjoy controller and manipulating everything, including Steve Railsback as a paranoid Vietnam vet pulled into the orbit of the film and leading lady Barbara Hershey. Naturally this entertainingly Machiavellian look at film making was only able to find a cult audience but it’s a cult that endures.

14. My Bodyguard

A sweet quirky tale enlivened by fine performances and well delineated characters. I shudder to think of what someone would do with a remake today – you would lose the charm of Chris Makepeace as the bullied rich kid and the layered menace of Adam Baldwin as his bodyguard for hire. Then there’s a young greaseball named Matt Dillon who has more charisma is his slicked-back hair than Taylor Lautner can muster with his perfectly chiseled abs.

13. Stardust Memories

Considered something of a letdown after Manhattan, Stardust Memories fuses the coldly abstract European experimentation of Interiors with the warm and schticky New York relationship comedy of Annie Hall. The effect can be disorienting and self-indulgent but it’s also fascinating. Woody was accused of treating his fans like dirt for the scenes of hero worship that are clearly played for putdowns but their is as much self-loathing those moments as there is misanthropy. Consider it Woody’s White album, a meandering, frustrating, sometimes brilliant mess.

12. Melvin and Howard

Jonathan Demme broke out of the genre pic ghetto with this delightful retelling of a story that may be true or may be a tall tale. He never judges or pushes the scales on the subject of speculation, the real-life Melvin Dummar who claims to have befriended Howard Hughes when he picked him up as a hitchhiker on a Nevada highway. Paul LeMat is perfect as Dummar, a man who takes his passenger (played to the hilt by Jason Robards) to be a bum until Hughes dies and apparently leaves him $150 million. Or does he? Mary Steenburgen won an Oscar as Dummar’s wife who is desperate to win some dough given the constant financial pressure they find themselves in. A classic.

11. The Shining

After the torpid costume drama of Barry Lyndon it was unclear where Stanley Kubrick would go next – he’d done high satire with Dr. Strangelove, a war movie with Paths of Glory and sci-fi with 2001. What genres were left? Horror, naturally. While Stephen King may have lamented the changes his source material underwent this remains a classic – not least of which because of Jack Nicholson’s unhinged lead performance. Part of what some folks objected to was the hint of menace already apparent in Jack before he even hits the winding road to the Overlook Hotel with wife and son in tow. The point Kubrick was making was that the ghoulish resort was the catalyst but the rage and derangement was there to be tapped into – in everyone but especially men.

10. Breaker Morant

Not an easy film to watch but Bruce Beresford’s epic telling of a true story is riveting as a drama of miscarried justice, prejudice, and the travails of war. Set during the Boer War it concerns three Australian officers serving with British forces in South Africa in the 19th century. While acting under their understood rules of engagement they kill a group pf Boer prisoners including, it turn out, a German. When the German government protests the British government decides that the easiest remedy is to court martial and execute the three Australians. Beresford doesn’t shy away from exploring the different racial and cultural differences that come into play, from Boer collaborators to African tribesman to the very real disdain in which the British held the Australians. Bryan Brown and the late Edward Woodward are both spectacular. Their sacrifice can’t help but echo in our own time of war crimes that are condoned by the brass while only the rank-and-file are held to account.

9. Used Cars

A final kiss-off to the malaise years, this is one of the great American satires, worthy of Preston Sturges. It’s the work of Robert Zemeckis, on his way to blockbuster fare like the Back To The Future series, but before he became too besotted by CGI technology to take an interest in actual people. Of course it’s hard not to take an interest when you have Jack Warden playing a dual role as conniving twin brothers who run adjacent competing used car lots. Or Kurt Russell at his slippery best as a fast-talking salesman who stashes cash in his fridge in preparation for a run for office. The scene where a typically dour (actual!) Jimmy Carter speech is jammed to make way for a ribald guerrilla TV spot is priceless.

8. The Blues Brothers
If Used Cars was a farewell to an era of diminished expectations than The Blues Brothers was a sly, overstuffed paean to two of the biggest tropes of 70s filmmaking – the car chase and the antihero. Every great populist work of the closing decade featured one, and ideally both of these – see for instance Smokey and The Bandit, Convoy, Billy Jack, the Dirty Harry series. Director John Landis and stars Belushi and Ackroyd pump both ideas up to ridiculous abstraction. Yes the Blues Brothers are anti-authority outcasts but really, they’re on a mission from God (compare this to the conflict between “Dirty” Harry Callahan’s moral code and the letter of the law his superiors keep citing.) You thought the car chase in French Connection was cool? Try a full half-hour plus of cars backflipping, crashing, balletically colliding and converging on Chicago’s downtown en masse. Plus some fine music from Ray Charles, John Lee Hooker, Aretha Franklin and Cab Calloway. And Aretha can act!

7. 9 to 5

Like The Blues Brothers this verges quite literally into cartoon territory but it’s delicious satire of gender roles in the workplace was grounded in a reality that still rings true. Granted there are more women in corporate leadership roles now than at the time of this film but the progressive solutions to making a better workplace advocated by Lily Tomlin’s Violet still are rare in most offices today – onsite day care, time sharing etc. The film’s a hoot – in addition to Tomlin there’s Jane Fonda cast against type as uptight Judy and Dolly Parton who is more than just the curvy body her co-workers and boss see her as. Dabney Coleman would make a career out of playing chauvinists like Franklin Hart, who sees each of these women as appendages to his career or his libido.

6. Airplane!

Don’t judge Airplane! by the pale, unfunny films it inspired, include it’s own sequel. Zucker Abrahams and Zucker or ZAZ as they are known to the faithful wrote and directed a deeply inspired and silly takeoff of self-serious 70s disaster flicks like Airport. The real genius is that it is nearly a scene for scene remake of straight-faced 50s disaster movie Zero Hour – even some of the dialogue is retained. Another great move was casting such icons of probity as Robert Stack, Peter Graves, and Lloyd Bridges in key roles. The final coup de grace was taking an actor known for his stolid portrayal of bad guys who had never done comedy before – Leslie Neilsen – and casting him as the doctor. This one film changed his entire career and made him a bigger star than he was ever destined to be. Everyone has their favorite bit of dialogue or sight gag. Mine include telling an operator to put Hamm on the line and to hold the Mayo (clinic, natch) and a mirror that turns out to be a doorway.

5. The Empire Strikes Back

Is this the best film in the Star Wars series? It’s the one I most enjoy watching, that’s for sure. There’s something about the middle film in a trilogy – it’s the meat in the sandwich when done right. (Don’t try to tell me it’s a sextet – the latter three films that have been appended to the beginning of the story should be best forgotten.) There’s a bit of the feel of a World War II era film, something like Casablanca, where the outcome of a great struggle was less than clear and the feeling of impending doom and sacrifice give everything an extra frisson. It’s the most adult in the series with plenty of juicy conflict, genuine frights and surprises, and a gratifyingly downbeat ending.

4. The Big Red One

Sam Fuller spent years trying to get this film made, a fictionalized account of his own World War II experiences liberating Italy. Ultimately the casting of Mark Hamill hot off of Star Wars helped shale the studio funding loose that he needed to complete his masterwork. Fuller had already proved himself a master of efficient war dramas like The Steel Helmet but never had he had a scope as large as this epic work which follows an American platoon through bombed out villages. At heart it’s a piece that celebrates bravery while simultaneously mourning all the humanity that war strips away.

3. Coal Miner’s Daughter

One of the best music bios ever, Sissy Spacek does her own singing and fairly becomes country legend Loretta Lynn while Tommy Lee Jones is magnetic as her husband and manager. It’s a fascinating and moving portrait of a rise to stardom but also of the marriage that gets pushed and pulled in every direction on the way. The depiction of poverty in the Appalachians is acute and devastating and no punches are pulled when it comes to the machinations of the music biz as well.

2. Raging Bull

The apogee of the DeNiro/Scorsese collaboration, Jake LaMotta could be one of the characters inhabiting Malle’s Atlantic City by the time he’s shown here as a would-be entrepreneur ex-boxer gone to fat. Michael Chapman’s black and white cinematography give the film the feel of 40s pulp photography come to life and Scorsese’s delight and knack in the knockabout rhythms of Italian-American discourse makes every scene zing. This was the first introduction for most film buffs to  Joe Pesci, who plays LaMotta’s scrappy brother. Cathy Moriarity is also great even if her age range is less believable than her co-stars.

1. Atlantic City

Leave it to avowed Frenchman Louis Malle to tap into the psyche of an America poised to elect Ronald Reagan after a decade of disappointment and malaise. Atlantic City the setting is depicted as a past it’s prime fantasy land degenerated into drugs and sleaze. All over the signs of the old Atlantic City are being obliterated by the wrecking ball, making way for a future 80s of corporate casinos and hermetic entertainment. Burt Lancaster is the walking embodiment of this decay and by movie’s end, a renewal that might be a hollow reflection of youth. It’s easily one of his best performances. Equally good is Susan Sarandon as Sally, the younger woman who he feels compelled to protect but who herself is driven to learn from the world around her.

If the 80s and 90s saw music fragmenting into hundreds of tiny subcultures the 00s offered a way out – in part by destroying the very music industry machinery that encouraged such fragmentation. File sharing may have killed music but it also saved it by letting people hear thousands of songs they never would have been exposed to.It also freed musicians like M.I.A., Radiohead, and Girl Talk to make music that was as boundary-less as their audience.

Here they are, my pick for the 100 best albums of the last decade:

Best of the 00s 100-76

Best of the 00s 75-51

Best of the 00s 50-26

Best of the 00s 25-1

Children of Men

The decade that’s ending has the ignominy of following the 1990′s, an era that will be looked back on as a creative peak rivaling the 1970′s for cinema. This is not to say the 00′s sucked as there were some great films and wonderful talents that emerged all over the world.

Pixar proved that the Toy Story movies were merely the tip of the iceberg when it came to animation that was artistic and commercially successful. Judd Apatow may have faltered of late but he also found a way to freshen the comedy genre and inject a sometimes Cassavettes-like realism into broad can-you-top-this flicks. Superhero films were abundant but Sam Raimi with Spider-Man and especially Chris Nolan’s two Batman films showed a new level of complexity within an often two-dimensional genre.

Then there was the aftermath of 9/11 and the ongoing nightmare of the Bush presidency. The films that grappled with this best were the ones that did so obliquely, even sub-texturally. The Dark Knight comes to mind here as well with a Wall Street Journal editorial even claiming to see a vindication of Bush in the film’s vision of Batman as over-surveilling rule-breaking vigilante against an amoral enemy. Or consider the TV in the background of one of Sideways most discomfiting, riotous scenes as Paul Giamatti sneaks into the bedroom of an amorous, thieving couple while Donald Rumsfeld talks on the screen behind them.

While undoubtedly I missed a few trends here are the 100 films that I truly enjoyed this decade, in rough order of release. Let the arguing commence!

Aardman's Chicken Run skewered WWII escape dramas

1. Chicken Run


You Can Count on Me didn't let us down

2. You Can Count on Me


Best in Show was no dog

3. Best in Show


High Fidelity celebrated a lost world...and lists like this one

4. High Fidelity


Cameron Crowe's autobiographical Almost Famous put a band-aid on it

5. Almost Famous


Wonder Boys brilliantly adapted Chabon

6. Wonder Boys


Gladiator asked if we were not amused...

7. Gladiator


Harron's American Psycho taught us about business cards... and plastic tarp

8. American Psycho


Memento fractured and reversed narrative ... what was I saying?

9. Memento


Peter Jackson's Tolkein trilogy ruled them all, bringing the epic to new heights

10. The Lord of the Rings: Trilogy


Ghost World made the planet safe for nerd girls and the Buscemis who love them

11. Ghost World


Shrek was Eddie Murphy's best performance of the decade (yes, including Dreamgirls)

12. Shrek


The Closet was workplace farce at it's best

13. The Closet


Donnie Darko proved impossible for Richard Kelly to follow-up (though he keeps trying)

14. Donnie Darko


The Royal Tenenbaums was Wes Anderson's ode to family

15. The Royal Tenenbaums


Waking Life had us flipping light switches to make sure we were awake

16. Waking Life


Moulin Rouge mashed up styles of music and cinema into a sumptuous treat

17. Moulin Rouge


Spirited Away was a modern Through The Looking Glass

18. Spirited Away


Ripley's game suggested that Matt Damon might age to resemble John Malkovich

19. Ripley’s Game


About a Boy proved that Hugh Grant is best as a (lovable) cad

20. About a Boy


Talk To Her showed that Almodovar could combine a new maturity with a Volkswagen-sized vulva

21. Talk to Her


Adaptation had Cage's two best performances of the decade

22. Adaptation


The Kid Stays in the Picture made us feel bad for losing Ali MacGraw to that McQueen guy

23. The Kid Stays in the Picture


Spider-Man wasn't related to Morris Spiderman D.D.S.

24. Spider-Man


About Schmidt gave us a vulnerable Nicholson

25. About Schmidt


24 Hour Party People took us to Madchester with the brilliant Steve Coogan as ringmaster

26. 24 Hour Party People


The Bourne Identity proved action movies didn't have to be edited by a Benihana's chef

27. The Bourne Identity


Y Tu Mama Tambien was some sad, sexy, slyly political stuff

28. Y Tu Mama Tambien


Rivers and Tides let us into the genius of artist Andy Goldsworthy

29. Andy Goldsworthy – Rivers and Tides: Working With Time


Finding Nemo immersed us in an undersea world

30. Finding Nemo


Errol Morris' Fog of War lifted the veil on Robert McNamara

31. The Fog of War


Sofia Coppola's Lost in Translation whispered in our ear and introduced us to Suntory time

32. Lost in Translation


Infernal Affairs was good enough for a Scorsese-helmed remake

33. Infernal Affairs


American Splendor bought multi-dimensional Harvey Pekars to life

34. American Splendor


The Triplets of Belleville pedalled us across the Atlantic

35. The Triplets of Belleville


My architect looked at the professional and very personal legacy of architect Louis Kahn

36. My Architect: A Son’s Journey


The Weather Underground supplied talking points for the Republican campaigns of '08

37. The Weather Underground


Whale Rider showed us how to make our warrior face

38. Whale Rider


28 Days Later showed us where monkey rage leads

39. 28 Days Later


The Kill Bill films kicked our asses in a tracksuit

40. Kill Bill Vol. 1 and Kill Bill Vol. 2


Brad Bird's The Incredibles was the American Beauty of the animated world. Think about it.

41. The Incredibles


Alexander Payne's Sideways burrowed into the heart of male middle-aged ennui

42. Sideways


End of The Century showed us the broken hearts of The Ramones and broke our hearts at the loss

43. End of the Century: The Story of the Ramones


Gondry and Kauffman's Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind taught us the difference between Pope Alexander and Alexander Pope

44. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind


Vera Drake showed that bravery doesn't always announce itself

45. Vera Drake


Shaun of the Dead introduced us to pale, lumbering Brits and the zombies who want to eat them

46. Shaun of the Dead


Who better than Alfonso Cuaron to introduce hormones into the Harry Potter universe in the best film of the series so far.

47. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban


Dig made The Dandy Warhols and Brian Jonestown Masacre actually seem like interesting bands

48. DIG!


Tom Dowd and the Language of Music allowed us to hear classic soul and rock with new ears

49. Tom Dowd and the Language of Music


Team America introduced us to full-on puppet nookie- with strings attached

50. Team America: World Police


Wallace and Gromit get a full-length film worthy of their legacy

51. Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit


Good Night and Good Luck made us mourn for journalism while marveling at Straitharn's masterful performace as Murrow

52. Good Night. And, Good Luck


Grizzly Man made us hope that Werner Herzog would steer clear of narrating our life story. Oh, and avoid bears.

53. Grizzly Man


After Innocence was a devastating look at the American judicial system

54. After Innocence


Kung Fu Hustle put the slap back into slapstick, and a few kicks too

55. Kung Fu Hustle


We couldn't quit Brokeback Mountain

56. Brokeback Mountain


World, Amy Adams. Amy Adams, meet world. Now play nice...

57. Junebug


A History of Violence repped a new era for Cronenberg

58. A History of Violence


Apatow's 40-Year-Old Virgin ushered in the Apatowization of American film comedy

59. The 40-Year-Old Virgin


Batman Begins was origin story as high adventure

60. Batman Begins


Kiss Kiss Bang Bang bought us our Robert Downey Jr. back, and Shane Black's cool factor

61. Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang


Walk the Line was the best in a slew of music biopics

62. Walk the Line


Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room was a preview of coming attractions for the nation's Bush-era economy

63. Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room


Pan's Labyrinth made fascism really, really scary

64. Pan’s Labyrinth


Casino Royale emerged from the surf, dripping wet, as the best Bond movie since the 1960s

65. Casino Royale


The Lives of Others eavesdropped on the menaing of art and surveillance

66. The Lives of Others


A Scanner Darkly had Keanu Reeves' most animated performance in the most faithful Philip K. Dick adaptation ever

67. A Scanner Darkly


The Departed was grand guignol drama from Scorsese

68. The Departed


Children of Men took us into a bleak future

69. Children of Men


Block Party took Chapelle to my old neighborhood to put on a star-studded show

70. Dave Chappelle’s Block Party


Borat showed us that Sascha Baron Cohen may not have the balls of co-star Ken Davitian

71. Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan


Greengrass staged United 93 as a straightahead pseudo-doc - and it worked

72. United 93


Little Miss Sunshine showed us the clutchless running van start

73. Little Miss Sunshine


Tristram Shandy hilariously adapted the "unadaptable" post-modern classic

74. Tristram Shandy: A Cock and Bull Story


Half Nelson was all good with a great performance by Ryan Gosling

75. Half Nelson


Ratatouille made the kitchen an acceptable place for vermin

76. Ratatouille


Persepolis told Marjane Satrapi's life with indelible imagery

77. Persepolis


The Coen Brothers' No Country for Old Men flipped a coin to decide our fate

78. No Country for Old Men


The Bourne Ultimatum was a series best

79. The Bourne Ultimatum


Juno taught us that in China they shoot babies out of t-shirt guns

80. Juno


The Diving Bell and the Butterfly could read our blinks

81. The Diving Bell and the Butterfly


There Will be Blood drank our milkshake

82. There Will Be Blood


Knocked Up suggested we consider a smashbortion

83. Knocked Up


Michael Clayton was just a janitor - a dreamy George Clooney janitor

84. Michael Clayton


Fincher's Zodiac nurtured a deep consuming obsession

85. Zodiac


3:10 To Yuma was a rare remake that bested the source

86. 3:10 to Yuma


Eastern Promises totally kicked our ass, naked

87. Eastern Promises


2 Days in Paris showed their family a compromising picture of us with a balloon

88. 2 Days In Paris


We were strung along by Man on Wire

89. Man On Wire


WALL-E was the sweetest post-apocalyptic movie ever

90. WALL-E


The Dark Knight asked why so serious?

91. The Dark Knight


Milk was here to recruit us

92. Milk


Iron Man needed a scotch

93. Iron Man


Happy-Go-Lucky taught us to drive

94. Happy-Go-Lucky


Synecdoche, New York created a smaller version of our lives in a warehouse

95. Synechdoche, New York


Inglorius Basterds demanded it's Nazi scalps!

96. Inglorious Basterds


Up broke our hearts in the first 15 minutes and named us Kevin

97. Up


In The Loop found new and creative ways to curse us out

98. In the Loop


The Hurt Locker defused our bomb

99. The Hurt Locker


Spike Jonze's adaptation of Sendak's Where the Wild Things Are began the wild rumpus

100. Where The Wild Things Are

mmm-MMMM

Every year at this time, we here at Mallination try to bring you a new list of Thanksgiving Turkeys – films so bad they can only be compared to a dumb, flightless, tasty, “jive” bird.  As an added bonus I’ve invited guest blogger Sean McDonald to contribute his own list of 5 to my list of 5 , forming a combined “super-list” of 10. Please note, Sean’s opinions are entirely his own. In other words I liked Munich despite the egregious use of intercutting during the penultimate love scene.  Enjoy the bad cinema, and happy Thanksgiving!

Noah’s List:

Two Much

My wife actually saved this for me on our DVR knowing that it would be a turkey shoo-in and she was right as always. Three of the most expressive actors of a generation, Antonio Banderas, Melanie Griffith, and Daryl Hannah, team up to star in a film that starts with the premise that Banderas is going to pull off a con by pretending to be twins. The twins are thoughtfully names Art and Bart and can be distinguished by whether Banderas is wearing his hair down and has his glasses on or a ponytail and no glasses. Naturally Art is an artist (or should I say “artist”) and Bart, well, surprisingly doesn’t work for Bay Area Rapid Transit given the literal-mindedness of the rest of this would-be screwball comedy. The lowlight is  a scene in which both Bart and Art have to be in the same room at the same time. Employing a handy doorway, some pacing and a quick hand at whipping off glasses and pulling hair back Banderas plays both characters at once. It’s indeed, Two Much.

The Power

George Hamilton plays a scientist (!) in the boringest movie ever about telekinesis.  As the members of the Human Endurance Committee (of which the film’s audience should be inducted into as honorary members) gather to puzzle over vague “test” results that suggest one of them has extraordinary powers, strange murders begin popping up. While half the cast overacts their pants off, the other half attempts to compensate by woefully underacting. Even stranger are the inept attempts at Hitchcockian set pieces like an inadvertently hilarious desert sequence that finds be-suited and tanned Hamilton struggling woodenly with a large, sweaty, Jeep driver before being attacked by jets on a bombing range. While these may sound like exciting activities you may find yourself wishing for the mind control to zap director Byron Zaskin into another dimension.

Octaman

Pity beautiful Pier Angeli, the Italian actress who compounded her drug overdose at the age of 39 with the fact that this piece of cinematic effluvia stands as her last film. Monster creation legend Rick Baker also got his start in this low-budget atrocity and judging by the incredibly lame Octaman costume a career in Hollywood was less-than assured. While still not as disturbing as the real-life Octomom, Octaman concerns Mexicans (fake), scientists (woefully fake), and a mutated half-man, half-octopus creature(ridiculously fake). For some reason two of the full-grown Octaman’s tentacles are suspiciously arm-like, and his slacks are quite something. It’s also worth noting that he has compound eyes for no other reason than that was the trick lens that they rented for the shoot.

88 Minutes

The titular 88 Minutes of this crap fest reference not just the 88 Minutes Al Pacino is informed he has left to live, but the 88 minutes of the viewers life that will sadly never be returned to them by this film that would barely rate as a subpar episode of Jake and The Fatman (look it up, kids). Pacino plays your everyday, average, super wealthy forensic psychologist/teacher who keeps having his dull serial killer seminar interrupted by a rude cell phone caller. And then he goes back to teacher. Thrilling! Leelee Sobieski does what she can to make things worse and Alicia Witt should be angling to get that cell phone away from Pacino so she can call her agent.  The best thing about the film are the heights to which it has inspired reviewers – “Al Pacino’s festival of hair” from the Chicago Tribune’s Michael Phillips is a particular favorite. Nominated for “Best Goatee”.

The Doors

Kyle Maclachlan, Meg Ryan, Kevin Dillon, and Val Kilmer combine all the worst parts of the acting styles in a film that also highlights the worst kind of glib, truthy-but-not-truthful, self-serious film making Oliver Stone is capable of.  The dialogue is actually worse than Morrison’s poetry. Kilmer gives a performance that captures all the self involved assholiness of Morrison without ever diving underneath. Ryan is woefully miscast as the love interest. Stone treats every scene with the kind of reverence usually reserved for a nativity pageant.

Sean’s List

I have a soft spot for bad movies. The kinds of movies that gleefully accept they are bad, that wink and smile through 95 minutes of glorious silliness. I think that Stephen Sommers’  Deep Rising is the Citizen Kane of great bad movies. There is another set of movies that are so easy to target (I am looking at you Paul W.S. Anderson) that wasting any more time one them is pointless. Then there is the third category of bad: Films that made me ANGRY as I watched them.

The Quest

Jean-Claude Van Damme’s directorial debut, my least favorite movie of all time and according to IMDB, Roger Moore‘s least favorite of his own films. The primary problem is that this movie claims to be 95 minutes long. Let’s just say that 95 minutes has been artificially augmented. Every fight scene is soaked in unnecessary slow motion, “Scorsese stretches”, use of the same shot from multiple angles (don’t want to waste anything) and of course JCVD getting the crap kicked out of him, only to come back strong and win the fight. The clip barely does justice to what may be to worst edited film of all time. (Side Note – Did you know that James Remar has 111 acting credits? And his most memorable role was as Samantha’s boyfriend from TV’s Sex and the City?)

How The Grinch Stole Christmas

This was the cinematic equivalent to the scene in Mad Men (Season 2 spoiler alert!) when Joan’s fiancé forced himself on her on the floor of Don Draper’s office. Despite her pleas to stop and attempts to restrain him, he keeps on going and she quits resisting. I stared away at he wall blankly for the first 30 minutes of this, eventually willing myself to sleep. F you Ron Howard. (Side note – did you know the little girl now plays one of the leads in Gossip Girl? No, I didn’t care either).

Strange Wilderness

Truly one of the un-funniest “comedies” I have ever sat through (it was a rental, but still). What is truly amazing is that this clip STILL makes me laugh every time  -

- but it is the ONLY funny moment in this entire misbegotten disaster. There is no story, are no funny characters and no other funny moments. I have already put more thought into this paragraph than the filmmakers did on this entire 87 minute piece of horseshit (Side Note – Did you know that horseshit is Tom Hanks favorite swear word?)

The Last Kiss

What I find the most shocking about his most is that the great Paul Haggis wrote this. This movie basically took Chris Rock’s “New P***y, Old P****y” monologue, layered on a thick measure of anxiety and slapped you in the face with this sock full of man-angst for 103 minutes. I am not sure what kind of influence Zach Braff had on this movie, but any good will he built up with Garden State got flushed away. (Side Note – Paul Haggis’s first writing credit is from the original Love Boat TV series).

Munich

Look, I love Jewish Revenge Fantasies as much as the next guy (Marathon Man and Inglorious Basterds were great), but Munich ranks at the top of my list of movies that sent me over the edge. This is a thriller that is not thrilling. A “history” movie that feels very revisionist. A lead that was the least convincing Jew of all time. The worst sex scene of all time, replacing the pool scene from Showgirls . This movie starts strong, but by the end, you feel much like the leads. Empty and unsatisfied. (Side Note – Munich star Mathieu Kassovitz is a terrific French director who made the criminally underrated Crimson Rivers).

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One of these men is this year's Sexiest Man Dead

People Magazine just named their Sexiest Man Alive for 2009 (it’s Johnny Depp – so 2006!) which means it’s time in the name of all that’s symmetrical for us to announce our annual Sexiest Man Dead award for 2009. You can click here to see our previous winners.

It was a tough year with a lot of great, lifeless competitors on the filed but in the end only one moldering corpse can be the winner.  Sorry Twilight fans, Robert Pattinson is still not eligible as he only plays dead and is in fact very much alive in real life.

Here he is, this year’s Sexiest Man Dead, Marlon Brando:

Bringing the fun with him wherever he went – whether it’s onscreen in fizzy roles like Paul in Last Tango in Paris or at home with his family on their private Tahitian island is just one reason why Brando has joined this most elite of clubs.

He was  Hollywood’s most irresistible iconoclast; as one-of-a-kind as his beloved 15-year-old boots and as smoldering as his favorite Cuban cigars.

“Marlon Brando has magical powers. He’s unlike anyone else,” said actress Natalie Wood, who was married to Robert Wagener.  “He’s funny, generous and clever. It’s just a shame he’s so hard on the eyes.”